Struggle No More, Surrender

Effects of The Struggle

Roughly 3 or 4 days ago, I came home extremely exhausted. I was physically and mentally drained. The work I do is very physical. It’s like weightlifting for 3-5 hours. Sometimes, with no break. 

Occasionally, it calls for a lot of walking on top of this. It appears work was getting heavier, and the shifts seemed longer even though they were only 3 hours lately. 

I was working robotically. I couldn’t think straight. I was foggy-brained and confused. I had to think back. This has been going on for at least 2 weeks. But instead of taking a break and resting, I kept pushing. 

I have to, bills are due, and I need this job. I have to keep pushing. I have no one to help me. So how can I make it without this extra income? This was a part-time gig because my full-time income just wasn’t enough. 

Meanwhile, I’m suffering, exhausted, irritable, and have no joy. I’m just going through the motions, trying to make it day by day. 

During this time, I suffered a bad burn on my kitchen pan. I’d placed it in the sink after cooking and somehow rubbed my arm against it. 

What would have seemed like something that could cause no or very little harm has taken me over a week to heal and is still not altogether well. 

Trying to Find Solutions

Lastly, the bumper of my car got damaged. Seems out of nowhere. I didn’t see anyone or anything hit it, and neither did anyone else. More money is to be spent to fix all these problems, yet I’m working hard just to pay for what is already due. 

So, I’m looking for extra hours to make more money, which would only put more strain on my body. But what else can I do? And guess what? No extra hours are available. 

Everyone who owes me has not paid. I had a client who skipped out on the payment for the couple, a husband and wife. Obviously, my way is not working. Clearly, Satan has an open door that I can’t see. 

Hearing His Voice

Finally,  I did what I should have done in the very beginning, and I got into worship and began to journal. While journaling, I heard the Lord say, “Surrender! “ Which immediately brought tears to my eyes. 

He said, “You struggle because you don’t surrender. You want to handle it all yourself because that’s what you are used to doing. But what has it gotten you? How far has it gotten you? What fruit have you seen from it? Has your way been helpful at all?”

The Lord said, “No, not if you’re struggling and failing. Not if you’re hurting and filled with fear and anxiety. You are not winning because of you. Let it go and rest in me. It’s the only way to win. It’s the only way to see what the eyes can’t see. Surrender!” 

And I did! I laid right there and surrendered all to God. And a peace came over me. I found rest. My head was clear and no longer foggy, and I could finally see what He was trying to show me. 

Psalms 62:5-8

5 My soul, you wait only upon God; for my expectation [is] from him.
6 He only [is] my rock and my salvation: [he is] my defence; I will not be moved.
7 In God [is] my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, [and] my refuge, [is] in God.
8 Trust in him at all times; [you] people, pour out your heart before him: God [is] a refuge for us. Selah.